Tag Archives: movie review

Film Reviews: Sharp Objects. Phenomena. The Meg. Swimming with Men. The Bookshop. Passengers. Garage Sale Mysteries: The Mask Murder. Garage Sale Mysteries: The Pandora’s Box Murders. Megan Leavey. Maus. Blair Witch. Planetarium. Minor Details. The Last Sharknado

08 Saturday Sep 2018

Posted by in 2000s, 2010s, 80s, Lori Loughlin, movies

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Sharp Objects

Absolutely brilliant! Now I need to finish the book!

9.5/10

Phenomena

Very good until they borrowed something from Friday the 13th.

8/10

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The Meg

3D really worked here – tell me you didn’t close your eyes when the water-walking ball popped! Bought the ticket last week, but caught a stomach bug, bought another one over the weekend, but was asked to work an extra shift tomorrow. Bought the third ticket at the cinema today and finally got to see it. It was worth it, even with the extra 6 quid. About to watch something similar, yet so much worse… Sharknado 6.

7/10

Swimming with Men

I have never realized how much Rob Brydon reminds me of Christopher Waltz till watching this film. I am so happy I was able to swap my overtime shift and got to see this charming and uplifting story about an unexpected friendship at the Silver Screen today!

‘The first rule of swim club, don’t talk about swim club.’

7/10

The Bookshop

It’s sad that I’m always the only person under 60 that goes to senior screenings, when that’s the only time they show quality cinema and not some mainstream bullshit.

‘Understanding makes the mind lazy.’

‘How right she was when she said that no one ever feels alone in a bookshop.’

6/10

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Passengers

Many seem to be complaining about the way one of the characters gets woken up, but honestly, ruining someone’s life not to feel lonely is what most adulterous relationships are all about.

6/10

Garage Sale Mysteries: The Mask Murder

The 14th installment of the Garage Sale Mystery series is quite entertaining. It’s been a while since Jen actually went to a garage sale. I checked the death masks online, and the replicas truly are worth 250 dollars each. Do some art connoisseurs really buy replicas of dead people’s faces?

‘This mask, it looks like the girl I found today.’

5/10

Garage Sale Mysteries: The Pandora’s Box Murders

Lochlyn Munro joins Lori Loughlin (get it?) in the 13th installment of one of two Hallmark series I really enjoy.

4/10

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Megan Leavey

Good, but the dog in ‘Max’ wore a tiny bullet-proof vest, so this could be better.

‘You don’t leave because you have somewhere to go, you leave because nothing is keeping you there.’

5/10

Maus

You need basic knowledge of the Bosnian War to understand and appreciate this film.

5/10

Blair Witch

I remember how obsessed I was with Blair Witch back in the day, I did this presentation for English and everything. I didn’t like the sequel though. I tried to watch the second sequel in 2016, but the minute I heard the main character was supposed to be the original main character’s brother, I rolled my eyes and turned it off. I expected the film to be much worse, but the footage is so shaky, it will give you a headache.

4/10

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Planetarium

Hugely disappointed with this one.

3/10

Minor Details

Middle School was a long time ago, but I don’t remember it being that boring.

2/10

The Last Sharknado

Certainly happy it’s ‘the last’ sharknado. The only thing I liked about this franchise was the theme song, but guess what, they changed it.

‘There it is, the first Sharknado. I’m gonna need a bigger chainsaw.’

1/10

 

 

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Film Reviews: Nymphomaniac: Vol. 1. Searching. The Nun. The Two Jakes. The Spy Who Dumped Me. The Happytime Murders. I, Daniel Blake. Christopher Robin. Mother. Slender Man. One Week and a Day. Moka

08 Saturday Sep 2018

Posted by in 2000s, 2010s, Madeleine Stowe, movies

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ympp searching the nun

Nymphomaniac: Vol. 1

I remember watching Antichrist at the cinema and absolutely loving it (minus the mutilation part) and everyone from my class thinking I was ‘so fucked up’ for even watching it. It’s despicable that I’ve been deliberately avoiding watching Nymphomaniac for five years. Volume one was amazing and not as explicit as I thought It would be, but I have a feeling I will not be so fond of Volume two. Some of my favorite scenes include Uma Thurman completely losing it and taking her children to see daddy’s mistress and the ‘whoring’ bed. Lars von Tier adds female masturbation to most of his film including child awakenings. Recently I watched Manderlay and there’s this beautiful passage when the narrator says that the main character did not understand masturbation is bad till she grew up and realized how ‘morally wrong it was’.

‘Perhaps the only difference between me and other people was that I’ve always demanded more from the sunset; more spectacular colors when the sun hit the horizon. That’s perhaps my only sin.’

‘The secret ingredient to sex is love.’

‘Would it be alright if I show the children the whoring bed? After all, they also have a stake in this event.’

8/10

Searching

This film was a nice surprise! Debra Messing did such a wonderful job and the film kept me intrigued, the ending may have ruined it a little bit.

‘I didn’t know her. I didn’t know my daughter.’

7.5/10

The Nun

I still cannot believe James Wan cast Vera Farmiga’s little sister Taissa (known for her roles in American Horror Story) in the Conjuring world! I also loved the link between The Nun and the first Conjuring and that they used footage from both Conjuring films. I especially liked the scene where someone gets buried alive.

‘Next time do use the shotgun.’

7.5/10

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The Two Jakes

I don’t remember Chinatown being this exhausting. There was no action in the sequel, other than, not one, but two earthquakes. Thank God for Madeleine Stowe.

4/10

The Spy Who Dumped Me

Kate McKinnon was amazing in this!

6/10

The Happytime Murders

They replaced Sandra Bullock with a puppet and made The Heat 2 but with muppets fucking? Wtf

2.5/10

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I, Daniel Blake

Realest portrayal of life in the UK I’ve seen in years.

‘I am not a client, a customer, nor a service user. “I am not a shirker, a scrounger, a beggar, nor a thief. “I’m not a National Insurance Number or blip on a screen. “I paid my dues, never a penny short, and proud to do so. “I don’t tug the forelock, but look my neighbour in the eye and help him if I can. “I don’t accept or seek charity. “My name is Daniel Blake. I am a man, not a dog. “As such, I demand my rights. “I demand you treat me with respect. “I, Daniel Blake, am a citizen, “nothing more and nothing less.’

‘We should all be drinking a lot more bloody coffee.’

8/10

Christopher Robin

I live for nostalgic films, so It does not come as a surprise that I cried through the entire ninety minutes. They were handing out character postcards at my cinema and they are just as adorable as this film.

‘I’ve cracked.’
‘Oh, I don’t see any cracks. A few wrinkles, maybe.’

‘People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.’

‘Doing nothing often leads to the very best kind of something.’

‘I haven’t thought about them in years.’
‘Well, we think about you every day.’

8/10

Mother

This heart whelming comedy starring Debbie Reynolds is the 400th new film I watched this year.

6/10

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One Week and a Day

Brilliant film on coping with loss.

8/10

Moka

Simple but good.

6/10

Slender Man

What sort of teachers take their high school students on a trip to a cemetery in the middle of nowhere? I cannot believe I just spent 2 hours watching this garbage. Plus Annalise Basso, the little girl from Oculus was only in the first 3 scenes, what a waste.

1/10

Film Reviews: Empire Falls. The Core. Our Guys: Outrage at Glen Ridge. Home Sweet Hell

26 Saturday May 2018

Posted by in 2010s, 90s, movies

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Empire Falls

A very interesting, wonderfully done small town film. There is a school shooting, a mom driving off with the car door open while her daughter is still getting her backpack out. If you want to see the small town-feel we all love, watch this film!

8/10

The Core

Every good sci-fi film has one of the characters dying, and they either mention the importance of their family beforehand or beg the main character to tell the family they love them. The core did it best and it’s devastating.

‘I came here to save my wife and my two children and… seven billion lives… it’s too much. I just hope I’m, I’m smart enough and brave enough to save three.’

5/10

Our Guys: Outrage at Glen Ridge

If you follow highly publicised sex crimes, then you have heard of this story. It’s a heartbreaking story of a clique of jocks who decide to take advantage of a handycapped classmate. If I remember the story correctly, the girl was not just violated with the foreign objects, like the film suggests, but also raped by the guys. When I think of this film, I think of Nell, and the scene where a bunch of local men trick Nell into lifting her blouse and Liam Nesson’s character has to escort her out of the bar. If you watched Welcome to the Dollhouse, you will love this too.

6.5/10

Home Sweet Hell

My personal favorite is the scene where Katherine’s character puts eye drops in before going to bed. For someone who uses eye drops at least six times a day, it is nice to finally see someone using eye drops on film for reasons other than to hide that they’re high or in between flights. The tiny bits of obsessive compulsive disorder are nice to watch too. Overall, the film does not disappoint as long as you’re not expecting a masterpiece.

5/10

 

Film Reviews: The Babadook. The Pyramid. The Sacrament. As Above So Below. Nightcrawler

25 Friday May 2018

Posted by in 2010s, movies

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The Babadook

The Aussie masterpiece that takes everyone’s breath away. A must see for everyone, not just horror fans.

10/10

The Pyramid

The film does to the pyramids what The Descent did to caves and Jaws to the sea. A father-daughter antropolology team goes into an old pyramid and gets trapped. The film involves sphynks. It was recommended by the late master of horror Wes Craven on twitter and is a must see for horror fans everywhere.

9/10

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The Sacrament

A film crew goes into deep Africa to visit one crew member’s sister and make a documentary about a commune society she lives in. A film from horror’s well known TI West about living in a cult and it’s tragic consequences. – loosely based on the case from late 70s.

9/10

As Above so Below

Another film that didn’t get good reviews but wasn’t as bad as people say. If you loved The Descent as much as you should, this is slightly similar. A group of French people go into the catacombs.

7/10

Nightcrawler

‘I can’t jeopardize my businesses success for an untrustworthy employee.’

9.5/10

Film Reviews: A Quiet Place. The Burbs. There’s Something About Mary. Everybody’s Going to Die. The Longest Ride. When We First Met. Dark Places. Rampage. Sense and Sensibility. Jessabelle. Jane Got a Gun. Christine. Remember Me. Abducted. The Choice

20 Sunday May 2018

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A Quiet Place

Don’t Breathe taken to a whole new level!

10/10

The Burbs

Rear Window, but funny.

7.5/10

There’s Something About Mary

My family still talks about the dog resuscitation scene!

7.5/10

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Everyone’s Going to Die

If you’re 25 or older and you still have no idea what you want to do with your life, while your family is constantly on you for not knowing it yet, this film is for you!

6.5/10

The Longest Ride

It took me three years and three tries to finish it, while my family enjoyed it very much.

6/10

When We First Met

How did I not know Redbull has a blueberry flavour now?! They’ve mentioned ‘A League of their Own’ numerous times in this film, which is why I enjoyed it more than I ever should. The main character went back to the photobooth more than 5 times, and you could feel even the writers were tired of starting it all over. I like romcoms that try to be ‘original’ and do exactly what this one did in the end.

6/10

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Dark Places

The timeline was off, the daughter was half the age she was supposed to be. I still want to read the book, as I liked this more than Gone Girl.

7/10

Rampage

Woah, it’s 2018, so one beast is no longer enough, huh? There is another The Rock film coming out later this summer called ‘Skyscraper’ and it looks exactly the same! My local cinema chain gave out these A4 posters of Rampage and The Rock isn’t even on it! I would prefer the one that’s on here, but thanks Odeon. Anyway, the ‘Big meets bigger’ phrase they’ve put on all their posters, really suits here.

5.5/10

Sense and Sensibility

Emma Thompson version minus the lovely hairstyles and you know, budget. The little sister was the best part of this adaptation.

5.5/10

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Jessabelle

Tried to watch it back in 2014, but did make it past the first 15 minutes. Then one friend of mine, who always asks me for horror recommendations, tried to convince me to give it another try. Three years have passed and turns out, the friend was right, sort of.

5/10

Christine

They sure wrecked this car.

4/10

Jane Got a Gun

The only interesting plot turned out not to be true in the end.

4/10

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Remember Me

The minute he passed floor 88, I knew. After all, there were only 3 buildings that tall back then. If not for the unexpected ending, the film would have been awful. It may still be, I cannot decide whether this ending was respectful or not.

4/10

Abducted

What is it with these naive teenagers who think some rando will make them famous. The father wasted the first night after the abduction on getting drunk and made a bunch of idiotic decisions along the way.

3.5/10

The Choice

The parents were sure happy to marry her off.

2/10

 

Film Reviews: Lady Bird. Blockers. Finding Your Feet. Suburbicon. Hello, My Name is Doris. Fences. Bridget Jones’s Baby. A Wrinkle in Time. Sin of Innocence. Stephen King’s IT. To The Bones. Gifted. Once Upon a Time in America. The Big Wedding. Red Sparrow. Kill For Me. I Feel Pretty. Girl Flu

19 Saturday May 2018

Posted by in 2010s, 90s, Julianne Moore, movies, Sally Field

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Lady Bird

Lady Bird is especially relatable for anyone who went away to uni, leaving their family and hometown behind. In the end, realizing that their town and how they were brought up was in fact, enough.

9/10

Blockers

Hilarious! Loved the friendship between the three parents!

7.5/10

Finding your feet

‘Where are you going?’
‘To see the world, it’s bigger than this.’

I hope Finding Your Feet gets an international cinema release, so you can all enjoy it as much as I did.

7/10

suburbicon hello fences

Suburbicon

I have never fallen asleep at the movies…until today. Kept dozing off a few times, which just proves how boring Suburbicon is. Yes Julie Moore was great, and the little kid was alright too, but you should wait a year for it to air on HBO or be added on Netflix.

7/10

Hello, my name is Doris

Really into the Sally Field and Tyne Daly friendship. And the scene where Natasha Lyonne’s character talks about teenage selfharm. Sally Field’s performance, incredible as always.

8/10

Fences

This worked so much better as a play. They never even left the house! No one deserves to listen to Denzel Washington whine about same things over and over again. If you’ve seen ANY of Viola’s earlier performaces, you know what she can DO! She has an amazing acting range! I don’t know why everyone is so impressed with her in this, when she was equally good everywhere else. I didn’t think she showed anything else in Fences, it was her usual best.

7/10

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Bridget Jones’s Baby

Never explained why or when Bridget and Mark broke off their engagement.

7.5/10

A Wrinkle in Time

I do still occasionally enjoy new films for teens and children, but I am just too old for this one.

2.5/10

Sin of Innocence

Only took me an hour and a half to realize the girl is Anne from Green Gobles! The film was missing the incestious vibe you’d expect and Dermont’s random reactions got unrealistic and simply annoying as he wept cause his daddy wouldn’t let him shag his new sister.

4/10

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Stephen King’s IT

3 hours well spent. This was one of many horrors that formed me into a horror obsessed kid that I’ve always been. It may not be scary like Chucky was, unless you’re afraid of clowns, but it was creepy and weird and that’s what I’m into. I remember scaring the shit out of the headmistress at my High School, when I decided to submitt my painting of the Clown as one of my works when tranfering to Advanced Art in my first year. If you didn’t want to be a member of the lucky seven squad, you’re lying to yourself. I was the fat kid.

8/10

To The Bone

The only disturbing scene was the random baby bottle one. It makes a joke of eating disorders, how are you suppose to show this film to someone who is skeptical of eating disorders when they burst out loud laughing because of the bottle scene. The film is nowhere near as good as Sharing the Secret or When Friendship Kills, but I’m glad that every couple of years we get a new ED film. The fourteen and fifteen-year-old version of myself would be all over this one.

7/10

Gifted

Little Man Tate, but average.

4/10

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Once Upon a Time in America

The middle part of the film was completely flawed. The sweet and sour childhood flashbacks, the second assault and the third act were what held this film together.

6/10

The Big Wedding

I watched it at the cinema and the best part of the film was the Michael Buble song that played at the end.

4/10

Red Sparrow

Best part of the film was when a young couple one row before me, clearly on their first date, left the minute Jennifer got to the academy. Boy, it would have been extremely awkward for them if they stayed a minute longer. That’s the problem with this film, people see Jennifer partner up with her Hunger Games director and all the freshly turned 18 year olds blindly go to the cinema without even watching the trailer. Are they in for a shock. The cinema chain I watched this at gave out a free audiobook on audible worth 22.99 quid. Since I checked time on my phone three times while watching the film, there is no way I will be spending another minute with this story. No film this boring should ever last full 2 hours.

2/10

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Kill For Me

It’s hard to make it till the end, but there’s a surprise there waiting for you.

5/10

I Feel Pretty

I really believed the critics who said this was offensive to overweight people, and hesitated whether I should support this film and check it out, but it was alright. Also, how cute was Michelle Williams in this!

5.5/10

Girl Flu

I expected it to be better, but the mother annoyed me too much.

5/10

 

 

Goodnight Mommy. Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life. Fender Bender. Trolls. National Lampoon’s Vacation. Inside Out. Layover. A Christmas Horror Story. The Disappointments Room. Barricade. Scathing.

16 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by in 2010s, 80s, Lauren Graham, movies

≈ Comments Off on Goodnight Mommy. Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life. Fender Bender. Trolls. National Lampoon’s Vacation. Inside Out. Layover. A Christmas Horror Story. The Disappointments Room. Barricade. Scathing.

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Goodnight Mommy

This and The Babadook are nothing as they seem. Both advertised as horror, but in fact, psychological. Beautiful scenery, eerie and mind-blowing at times. Pay attention before the opening title and you’ll have an easy understanding of the film. Ideal for fans of psychological thrillers, horrors or foreign cinema.

7/10

Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life

‘The Worst Years of My Life’ is a film about an artsy and rebellious teenager Rafe based on the Middle School book series by James Patterson. Yes, the same Patterson who wrote the Alex Cross series, including the phenomenal Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider! ‘Movie School’ is shockingly deep and insightful for a family film, I was nicely surprised by the ‘brother’ twist. I’m glad little Mason from Private Practice is doing well and it’s always a pleasure to see Lauren Graham. I have never read the Middle School series, but it seems to be the boy version of Jim Benton’s Dear Dumb Diary series, which I loved growing up. After you finish watching Middle School, go grab Dear Dumb Diary.

6/10

Fender Bender

A middle-aged guy purposely bumps into a teenager’s car. The girl (Makenzie Vega known for The Good Wife and The Assault) takes pictures of the damages and the guy. Her disappointed parents forbid her from going on a trip with them and leave her alone for the night. Despite the main character being an absolute moron, the storyline kept me engaged. Fender Bender takes a slightly different direction than the usual ‘forced road accident’ based horrors, as the attacker follows the character home. Why would she not be panicking about the assailant taking pictures of her in the shower and stupidly dive into a present he left for her, no one knows. It could have been such a good flick. I have described this title to my horror obsessed friends, and I recommend this title to all slasher fans.

6.5/10

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Trolls

Clearly aimed at an audience of 3-year-olds, who don’t need a plot to follow, just a couple of shiny, colorful, sparkly things to look at. It wasn’t clear why they remade so many classic songs instead of writing an entirely new soundtrack. Shockingly the cinema was packed when it came out, there were around 150 kids under 12 waiting with their parents in and outside the cinema, I bet 90 percent of them came out disappointed. If you’re looking for a recent animated feature worth checking out, go with Zootopia, or The Secret Life of Pets.

3/10

National Lampoon’s Vacation

‘Christmas Vacation’ was ten times better. At least this one had John Candy in it, for a couple of rollercoaster rides, but still. Uncertain how to feel about the angry dog being killed and later grandma dying, but the film as a whole was not that funny.

3/10

Inside Out

Some of the animation, particularly Joy’s character, was so bright, it was impossible to look at the screen. The film is clearly aimed at very young audience, pre-school or early school years at most. The film earned an Academy Award for best animation, which gives me hope for Zootopia, which was twice this good and the animation was ten times better.

5/10

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Layover

What the hell with this poster?! This was not in the film. The movie would have been so much better if it was. For a Lifetime film, Layover wasn’t a complete disaster, even though I couldn’t stand the annoying model wannabes. Consider watching another Lauren Holly film where the film also takes place on a plane, Turbulence, instead. Was that a ride.

4/10

A Christmas Horror Story

Nicely surprised, as it was so much better than the very average 2015 Christmas horror sensation ‘Krampus’ and the ending was just perfect.

3/10

 

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The Disappointment Room

No greater disappointment than this film. How could Wentworth Miller write the genius psychological thriller The Stoker and then such a crappy horror?

1/10

Barricade

So it wasn’t a horror? What a waste of time. And it started off pretty good, the ending though, disastrous.

1/10

Scathing

I always have faith in low-budget indie horror films, and I have myself to blame for that, but once a while those are the films that surprise us. Scathing was not that film. It was just awful. I watched this Irish horror ‘In Fear’ the same day, equally low budget and independent, very similar, yet much better. Try In Fear instead.

0.5/10

Don’t Breathe. Purge 3. The Shallows. The Secret Life of Pets. In the Line of Duty: Blaze of Glory. Three to Tango. Twelve. The Waterboy. Flicka. Non-Stop.

22 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by in 2000s, 2010s, 90s, Elizabeth Mitchell, Lori Loughlin, movies

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Don’t Breathe

Innovative, exciting, an absolute must-see! I especially liked the ‘alarm remote scene’ and the whole ‘9 months captive’ part. Good to see Jane Levy doing so good after Suburgatory got cancelled.

9/10

Purge 3

The first 30 minutes were intriguing and exciting, then it started to get boring. Much better than The Purge 2, but worse than the original. I’m glad they cast Elizabeth Mitchell as the senator. I hope they make another one, despite what happened at the end.

6/10

The Shallows

Flare gun and cutting the buoy made it all worth watching.

8/10

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The Secret Life of Pets

Taylor Swift’s Welcome to New York in the opening credits sold it for me. Unfortunately, the pets spent way too much time in the sewers (what were crocodiles doing in the sewers anyway) and not enough with the pets’ owners. If they make all these changes, the sequel will be fantastic. I will definitely watch it when it’s on HBO next year though.

5/10

In the Line of Duty: Blaze of Glory

Who would have bothered to rob a bank for 17 thousand? The film was still pretty good and I was nicely surprised most of the time.

6/10

Three to Tango

Hilarious and cute, felt like the perfect romantic comedy, just without the romance.

6/10

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Twelve

I think the narration made it all actually bearable. The first hour is boring, but it’s worth the wait, as there’s an unexpected mass shooting at the end.

4/10

The Waterboy

Light, not very funny, but the only scene I really enjoyed was the ‘he loves his mom’ one.

3/10

Flicka

And I thought it would be another family ranch movie. It’s not even a family film! A lovely drama and I really want to see the original soon. I still don’t understand why they didn’t just go hunt down that tiger. Not to mention, to get a deadly high fever from lying in the rain for a couple of hours? Being sick is one, but everyone actually thought the character would die.

6/10

Non-Stop

The Lifetime one, not the one with Liam Neeson and Julianne Moore. The middle part certainly stole a lot from Flight Plan. Not too good of a film unfortunately.

3/10