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The Middle 8.19

That Everybody loves Raymond cameo.

Come on, Lexie, we’re re-enacting the Friends opening.
You guys make life interesting.
No great author ever came from a functional family. You people are gonna make great characters in my book someday.

5.5/10

The Middle 8.20

When you’re young, you’re never scared, but when you become an adult you’re scared all the time. I think that’s how you know you’re becoming an adult.
It’s hard to let go off your childhood.
Go ask your mom if you can have a pool.

5.5/10

SVU 18.15

I was raped.
He put his penis inside me.

5.5/10

Bates Motel 5.09

It always makes my day when they play The Beach Boys on my shows, most recently on The Leftovers. Here, Wouldn’t It Be Nice suddenly started playing.

They found your mother’s body.
It looks like she still lives here.
Everyone has multiple personalities.
Did you do Norma Bates’ funeral?
We did.
I’m so sorry Norma.
Norman’s sleeping now.
You need to take me to her body.

7/10

Bates Motel 5.10

You killed your own mother.
My brother has some mental issues.
Sit down with mother.

10/10

Scandal 6.07

5/10

Scandal 6.08

Abby got played and why the hell are they showing the election from everyone’s perspective? Half the season was about the night of the election.

You said it yourself, Cyrus, I’m a force.

5.5/10

Scandal 6.09

I honestly don’t know how Huck survived this.

Start spraying.
Oh my god, look at all that blood. What’d she do to him?
Huck may be dead. My Huck.
You’ve messed with the wrong Gladiator.
Miracle workers don’t get to quit.

10/10

Scandal 6.10

Alternative universe episode and Dan Buckatinsky is back.

No, we’re not fixing the election.
Fitz is just a handsy man like his father.
I could have fixed the election.
At least I would’ve been the president.
I am not outing somebody else’s husband. You of all people should understand why.

10/10

Scandal 6.11

Elizabeth was killed off! Has Ellen said anything about it on her show? And Mellie’s kids’ lives got threatened. This scene was incredible.

I respect you, you survived more in this town than anyone could ever expect.
Not this murderer who got off on a technicality.
We will kill your children.

7.5/10

Modern Family 8.01

4/10

Modern Family 8.02

Alex had to take a semester off because she couldn’t catch up on school work after having mono for a week?! What?!

6.5/10

Modern Family 8.03

The previous residents were murdered there.
You’re gonna sell that murder house.
Jay is right, Luke’s a dummy.
I’m graduating.
That’s the spirit!

4/10

Modern Family 8.12

1/10

Modern Family 8.19

The thing with no is if you say it too much, people will stop asking you.

7/10

Riverdale 1.09

Hostages aren’t normally allowed to make outgoing calls.
Polly is having twins.
I want my daughter back, you asshole.
The storm of chaos names Cheryl Blossom.

3.5/10

Riverdale 1.10

Don’t go all dark Betty on me.
I’m not normal.
That night I saw the real you, the dark you.
In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo.
You’re the perfect girl next door.
There’s this darkness inside of me, it’s overwhelming.

10/10

The Simpsons 28.18

Too much praise  creates Millenials, a generation of soft, entitled halfwits who frop out of college to become DJs.

4.5/10

F is for Family 2.01

I have missed this show so much. It’s always a 10.

You’re a pervert?
He’s a cop.
So he can solve your murder.
Is everybody in your family a loser?
Get the fuck out of here.
Oh fuck me.
Oh I should have died in Korea.
That’s not lady like.
What the fuck is wrong with you.
You heartless whore.
He died.

5.5/10

F is For Family 2.02

Wait, is Jeff Garlin reading for Frank’s boss? I never realized it but it sure sounds a lot like him. I need to check that later.

Stop touching yourself.
Shut the fuck up.
How fast can you type? I don’t care I could stare at that rack all day.

1.5/10

Hollywood Darlings 1.01

And another kid wants to be a mortician, because it’s less scary than Hollywood.

7/10

Hollywood Darlings 1.02

How the fuck could Jodie give Mr. Bear away?!

My darkest were a little later.
Shit, Mr. Bear, momma fucked up, I’m so sorry.
I hate them, their hope and hymen.
Everybody say cheese.
Fuck my life.

5.5/10

Pretty Little Liars 7.11

The kidnapped girl who never got kidnapped.
You ever noticed how she’s always the victim?

5.5/10

Pretty Little Liars 7.12

This show is just embarrassing itself this season. 5 years later was the stupidest idea. It did not bring anything to the show and none of the liars grew up.

2/10

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