Spy

When a friend asked me for a review, I described it as run-of-the-mill and a little stuck up, and let’s be honest I was not lying to him. Why did Rose Byrne’s character have to have the exact high-and-mighty personality as in Bridesmaids? The trailer was much better than the film itself. I was expecting it to fit into The Heat’s shoes and end up being its unintentional sequel. And let’s be honest it was not even half half as funny. I had more fun seeing Hot Pursuit even though it was not impressive either. I am glad that in comparison to Bridesmaids this one was almost family friendly. I hate when films are over-sexed for no good reason, and the sex or over exaggerated dirty jokes do not bring anything to the storyline. Remember when Identity Thief was doing well enough up until the point when Melissa’s character slept with that cowboy to steal his wallet? Braidsmaids did not throw me off my feet either. But The Heat did, and I really hope they’re gonna make the second part.

‘I just hear my mum’s voice. Just blend in, let somebody else win. I got that a lot in high school. And there was, “give up on your dreams, Susan.” She used to write that in my lunchbox.’

‘My father used to bring people like you here.’
‘Did he also make you dress like a slutty dolphin trainer?’

‘I’m very non-physically resourceful. I read a lot of intelligence, I read a lot of poems, and I’ve read all of the ‘Hunger Games”

‘How do you like my English accent? I learned it from the Downton Abbey’

7/10

The Fault in Our Stars

I should read the book that’s gathering dust on my bookshelf prior to writing the review on the film, but let’s be realistic, I am never gonna read it. But the film was better than ordinary. As a matter of fact, it was better than I expected. The scene when the characters meet their idol, who turns out to be a drunk, and offends them and all they dreams and assumptions about the author get crushed, is stimulating. We all idolize our idols, favorite writers, actors, directors, don’t have flaws. How many times have we not paid attention to certain rumors or defended our role model’s behaviour, explaining to people that we all have our problems and lots of people go through similar things. Was it better than Nicholas Sparks’ biggest hit Walk to Remember? Probably not. I found the kissing in Anne Frank’s house disturbing and extremely inapropriate. Don’t talk to me about hope, show some respect. Aside from that, the story was touching and poignant and despite being teen oriented, worth watching.

‘Pain demands to be felt.’

‘I cannot stop thinking about this God damned book.’
‘You’re welcome.’

‘I fell in love with him the way you fall asleep: Slowly, and then all at once.’

‘One of the first things they ask you in the ER is to rate your pain on a scale from 1 to 10. I’ve been asked this question hundreds of times and I remember once, when I couldn’t catch my breath and I felt like my chest was on fire, the nurse asked me to rate the pain. Though I couldn’t speak, I held up 9 fingers. Later, when I started feeling better, the nurse came in and she called me a fighter. “You know how I know?” she said, “You called a 10 a 9.” But that wasn’t the truth.
I didn’t call it a 9 because I was brave. The reason I called it a 9 was because I was saving my 10…and this was it.’

‘Hello, ma’am. Your daughter, she’s done a great injustice, so we’ve come here seeking revenge. You see, we may not look like much, but between the three of us we have five legs, four eyes and two and a half pairs of working lungs, but we also have two dozen eggs, so if I were you, I would go back inside.’

‘Mr. Van Houten. I’m a good person, but a shitty writer. You’re a shitty person, but a good writer. I think we’d make a good team. I don’t wanna ask you for any favors, but if you have the time – and from what I saw you had plenty – please fix this for me: It’s a eulogy for Hazel. She asked me to write one, and I’m trying, but I just… I could use a little flair. See, the thing is… we all wanna be remembered. But Hazel’s different. Hazel knows the truth. She didn’t want a million admirers, she just wanted one. And she got it. Maybe she wasn’t loved widely, but she was loved deeply. And isn’t that more than most of us get? When Hazel was sick, I knew I was dying, but I didn’t wanna say so. She was in the ICU when I snuck in for ten minutes and I just sat with her before I got caught. Her eyes were closed, her skin pale, but her hands were still her hands, still warm, and her nails were painted this dark blue black color, and… I just held them. And I willed myself to imagine a world without us and what a worthless world that would be. She’s so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she’s smarter than you, ’cause you know she is. She’s funny without ever being mean. I love her. God, I love her, I’m so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have a say in who hurts you. And I like my choices. I hope she likes hers. Okay, Hazel Grace?’

6.5/10

Tomorrowland

If not the visual effects, the film would drown immediately. Britt Robertson is one of the very few young actors who’s carrier I follow, yet I could not sit through The Longest Ride. I’ll probably wait for it to come to Netflix or catch it on tv in a couple of years. The special effects are impressive, and to be honest, when I saw them in the trailer I thought, I’m gonna go see it, if only for the beautiful wheat field takes and other special effects, and it was the right choice. The film loses it’s value when not watch at the movies or a giant flat screen in HD. I will get it on DVD.  Is there another part?

Have you ever wondered what would happen, if all the geniuses, the artists, the scientists, the smartest, most creative people in the world decided to actually change it ? Where, where could they even do such a thing ? They’d need a place free from politics and bureaucracy, distratctions, greed – a secret place where they could build whatever they were crazy enough to imagine.

5.5/10

Insidious 3

It was supposed to be a prequel, but it felt like a completely different film, and in a good way. Even though the scene when the girl breaks the casts on her legs is foolish and vexing, and the film was not at all scary. After we found out who was the sinister creature, we saw he was not even remotely as scary as the main villain of Insidious 1 and 2. I have Insidious 2 on Netflix UK, so I may rewatch it soon, but this one was definitely the weakest link.

6/10

Recess: School’s Out

And to finish off, this animated kids film. TJ gets abandoned for holidays as the rest of the gang leaves for summer camp. TJ makes an unexpected friend and saves the school. Out of all the movie parts I have only seen this on and Taking the 5th Grade, and even though this one was slightly worse, I still hope to see the remaining parts.

I’ll let you in on a little secret, Detweiller. Every adult you’ve ever known was a kid at sometime in his life. You think we don’t remember summer vacation? Riding our bikes down the creek. Catching polliwogs in a jar. Camping out under the stars. Well you’re wrong! Sometimes I sit there in my office, looking out at you kids in the playground and I think, “They don’t know how good they got it. In a few years, they’ll be grownups like me and all those good times will be memories for them, too”. So go ahead. Put a whoopie-cushion in my chair. Put fake vomit on my carpet. Make fun of my “big, saggy butt”. But don’t ever say I don’t care about summer vacation, ’cause those memories are the last part of childhood I got left.

What am I going to do? Play baseball by myself, watch reruns? Read?!

4/10

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