The Heat

Without a doubt, comedy of the year. It seems impossible to choose a single best scene, but I’m gonna go with the club scene, when the guy says picture time and Sandra’s character pushes herself into the crowd and slaps his hand, while this other guy is always in the way and Mullins is trying to get all the girls away from the first guy, trying to fight the narc at the same time, saying are you fucking kidding me when she sees him. Sandra’s ‘No, No’ and Melissa’s ‘Maybe, Maybe’.

‘Excuse the shit out of me, I didn’t realize you slept in a suit.’

‘I’ll shut the door on you. You lay down here and put your head in the door. And I’ll slam it about 157,000 times.’

‘You’re giving her beauty advice? Do you even own a fucking mirror?’

‘I had a joint and a few little bags of coke. Since when is that shit illegal? ‘
The answer is always.’

‘I’m gonna say this one more time. Stand down, Officer.’
‘Fuck off, Officer.’
‘Oh, okay. Guess what? Now you’ve really done it. I’m going to call my boss.’
‘You do that, tattle-tits! Fuckin’ narc!’

‘It was a terrible resume. He mentioned prison, and in Special Skills he said, Keeping it real.’

‘My fear is that I’m gonna put you in a bikini and you’ll still look like a fucking bank teller.’

‘Jesus, what are those?’
‘Stop it, they’re my Spanx. They hold everything together.’
‘Why, what’s gonna come popping out?’

9/10

Europa Europa

A classic that needs rewatching every ten years.

10/10

Blue is the Warmest Color

A masterpiece, if it wasn’t trying that much to win the audience over with prolonged sex scenes.

‘But I have infinite tenderness for you. I always will. All my life long.’

‘Why are you lying?
I’m not lying.
Then why are you crying?
I’m not crying.’

9/10

Standing Up

A beautiful film about bullying, for some reason brought Bridge to Terabithia to my mind, being equally good. Shame I cannot find the book anywhere. I cried at the very end.

‘I thank God for sending me someone who changed my life.’

8/10

Speed

Simply one of the best 10 thriller/action/catastrophic films out there. Tjis is the third time I watched this film, first time in ten years, and I still cannot believe how could they be so stupid and did not send Annie home after the bus crash, and even though the train crash was unecessary, the film deserves a ten.

What is that smell?
It’s gas.
We’re leaking gas?
We are now.
What, you thought you needed another challenge or something?

So you’re a cop, right?
That’s right.
Well, I should probably tell you that I’m taking the bus because I had my driver’s license revoked.
What for?
Speeding.

Did you have any luck with the bomb?
Yeah, it didn’t go off.

You didn’t leave me. I can’t believe it… you didn’t leave me.
Didn’t have anywhere to be just then.

STOP! L.A.P.D! Get out of the car!
Hey man, this is MY car, I OWN this car, it’s NOT stolen.
It is now. Move over.

You’re not going to get mushy on me, are you?
Maybe. I might.
I hope not, ’cause you know, relationships that start under intense circumstances, they never last.

Annie.
What?
That’s my name, Annie.
Annie.
As opposed to “ma’am”?

10/10

Speed 2: Cruise Control 

Funny at times, not thrilling, and there’s no real action. Sandra’s character truly annoying, same with Keanu’s replacement, but the stopping the ferry by crashing into the island never dissapoints. I genuinely thought I haven’t seen the second part and then I saw the island scene and everything started coming back.

I swear, I’m never leaving the house again.

Go faster.
Give me one good reason!
If you don’t, I’ll push you off the boat.
That’s a good reason.

ANNIE! Come back, your my hostage!

4/10

Freaky Friday

An incredible entertainment every time. Don’t mention the lousy remake to me.

‘Max, you big hamburger!’

10/10

Children of men

Julianne is named the first on the film’s Imdb page and yet her character dies 20 minutes into the film, whereas Michael Caine, named third on the poster dies after 50 minutes. The plot could be better, film slightly dull at times, but the scenography and Alfonso Cuaron’s potential can be seen in every scene.

Y’know that ringing in your ears? That ‘eeeeeeeeee’? That’s the sound of the ear cells dying, like their swan song. Once it’s gone you’ll never hear that frequency again. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Julian? I haven’t seen you in twenty years. You look good. The picture the police have of you doesn’t do you justice.
What do the police know about justice?

Oh yeah, there you go, that’s what you always do when it gets tough, you walk away.
This is our stop.

6/10

Freedomland

Truly dissapointed with this one, racial issue presented too lightly, same with the mother’s alleged fault.

4/10

Very Good Girls

Nicely surprised, as it was a storyline we see every day. Possibly every teenage girl can relate to either one of the main characters. The almost sleeping with the boss, beautifully shown, again, something people of all ages can relate to, a mistake we happen to do too often when we’re furious. The parents storyline and the friendship fit in perfectly.

6/10

Dead End

Truly happy with this one, every single scene on the road were amazingly written and shot, from the daughter singing JIngle Bells, to the mother going insane, through everything in between. Humor very much in place, an excellent horror.

Was there no dial tone?
No, Laura. I just forgot the number to 911.

8/10

Stuck in Love

The writing parts, inspiring. Rest, another romantic comedy.

If love is setting a place at the table for someone who is never coming home, I think I’ll pass.

I remember it hurt. Looking at her hurt.

My biggest mistake was thinking you could fix me. Only I can fix me.

There are two kinds of people in this world: hopeless romantics and realists. A realist just sees that face and packs it in with every other pretty girl they’ve ever seen before. The hopeless romantic becomes convinced that God put them on Earth to be with that one person. But there is no God and life is only as meaningful as you fool yourself into thinking it is.

4/10

Miss Congeniality

Witty, not a ten, but very light and nice to watch after a long work week.

Miss Rhode Island, please describe your idea of a perfect date.
That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.

I haven’t seen a walk like that since “Jurassic Park!”

The interview is the single most important part of the pageant. It counts for 30 percent of your total score.
What’s the other 70 percent, cleavage?

What is the one most important thing our society needs?
That would be harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan. And world peace!
Look I know what I’m gonna do. I haven’t done this since high school but it’s like riding a bike.
You are not having sex on this stage.
I didn’t know that was an option.

I was dating him for a little while because he told me he had an incurable disease… Yeah, I didn’t realize it was stupidity.

Hey! I’m gliding here!

This earpiece lets you hear anybody on our frequencies, and they can hear you. Don’t need that, with all this foil in my hair I’m getting HBO.

New Jersey, as you know, there are many who consider the Miss United States Pageant to be outdated and anti-feminist. What would you say to them?

Well, I would have to say – I used to be one of them. And then I came here and I realized that these women are smart, terrific people who are just trying to make a difference in the world. And we’ve become really good friends. I mean, I know we all secretly hope the other one will trip and fall on her face, and – wait a minute, I’ve already done that! And for me this experience has been one of the most rewarding and liberating experiences of my life.
My God, I did it!
And if anyone, anyone – tries to hurt one of my new friends, I would take them out. I would make them suffer so much that they’d wish they were never born. And if they ran, I would hunt them down. Thank you, Kathy.
A brief shining moment, and then that mouth!

Hart, listen to me. I’ve waited five years to run my own op. You think I’d blow it on the wrong girl?
No no no, I know the only reason you picked me was because I was the only one who looked half decent in a bikini and wasn’t on maternity leave.
No, that’s why they *let* me pick you. You wanna know why I picked you?
Lost a bet?
Because you’re smart. Because you don’t take any crap from people. You’re funny. You’re easy to talk to when you’re not armed. Look, give yourself a break. Cut Vic and the other pagent ladies some slack cause if they ever get a chance to see what I see then… they’re gonna love you.

Good evening, I know the program says I’m supposed to play the water glasses for you, but, uh, some of the girls got dehydrated.

Twenty-five years of bitching beauty queens, and what do I get? Fired! They steal my life. They steal my beauty pageant…
Hey, hey! It is not a beauty pageant, it is a scholarship program.
Yeah, yeah.
Yes!

Eyebrows. There should be two.

It’s lite beer, and she’s gonna throw it up anyway.

Look, she’s gonna cry again! “Oh, if I only had a brain.”

We recently discovered some information about the winner from New Jersey.
And her performance in a little film called “Arma-get-it-on.”

8/10

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous 

A true disappointment. ‘If only it had Michael Caine’ I kept saying throughout the film. ‘He would save this ship of boredom.’ Why do all Sandra’s characters get irritating in sequels?

I don’t recall seeing a skinny, white-ass girl growing up at the table.
Okay, first of all… thank you for calling me skinny.

2/10

The Haunting in Connecticut 2

I was not wrong when i crowned Emily Alyn Lind my favorite child actress back when I saw her in the pilot of Revenge. She did a fabulous job in this sequel, which was better than the original at times. I simply loved all of it, except for the sewing the sister part, as she should have not survived this, i want to hear the explaination for based on the true story for this scene, and everyone being fully fine seemed too easy.

7/10

A Daughter’s Nightmare

Why do I talk myself into watching lifetime films? This, like so many others, felt desperate.

2/10

Peace, Love and Misunderstanding

As if this could go well. Similar disapointed as with that Jennifer Aniston romcom where she becomes a hippie and sleeps around, since what’s mine is yours. I usually watch romantic comedies to find something good for my mom to watch, as it’s her favorite genre. Once a month I skype her with a title and I am clearly not doing it with this one as her reaction to this would be the same as with the Jennifer Aniston film I mentioned. We usually go to all Jen’s films together, so I didn’t get the chance to test it and what happened is, she slept through most of it, and when we left the cinema, she called it the stupidest thing ever, and I couldn’t agree more.

When there’s a death you get a funeral. It’s horrible, but you get to wear a black dress, and people bring you food and…
I *do* like a good casserole now and again.
But when a marriage dies you get endless debt, paperwork, and just a life you don’t even recognize.

Why does the past mean so much to you?
This coming from a woman who still thinks it’s 1967.

3/10

All About Steve

I don’t care about the bad reviews or the Golden Raspberry, as even though it was plain stupid at times, it was pretty hilarious and I adored everything that happened after she fell into the hole.

Hartman, for the love of God, stop tanning! You look like a Cheese Nip! You look like an orange with lips.

4/10

Texas Chainsaw 3D

If Tobe Hooper approves of this version, the killing the entire Sawyer family off I mean, I can tolerate it. Not much killing, not gore enough and what was gore was unecessary, rather than hardcore.

3/10

The Possession

A point for the Polish box, but the presentation of Polish people as Jews, when there is so little Jews in Poland left, you could not find one with a magnifying glass, whereas there are millions of Jews in New York is historically and anthropologically incorrect.

Where’s my box.

Zjem twoje serce. (I’ll eat your heart)

4/10

Oculus

All the flashbacks, intriguing. Acting of child actors far better than their grown up versions. Not bad, but no Insidious either.

4/10

Candleshoe

What a fun family film.

Let go of me! I’m a minor! You creeps! You lousy creeps! Sold me out to the cops, huh?
Shut up! Well, this is her! Here’s the rest of her stuff.

So, after you left, we examined the fireplace. There was a loose stone…
You’re kiddin’?
And there was something hidden in the canopy behind it.
Do you recognize this?
No.
Look closer, dear. Are you sure you’ve never seen it? It’s very important!
No. No. Although…
Uh, I don’t understand…
Oh, my dear. Oh, my dear!… Welcome to Candleshoe!

What if your real granddaughter comes back?
Perhaps she has.

You can peel and core the apples Queenie. I’m busy.

7/10

But I’m a cheerleader

Looked for this film for four years and it was one of the worst films I have seen.

1,2,3,4, I won’t take no anymore. 5,6,7,8 – I want you to be my mate. 1,2,3,4 – you’re the one that I adore. 5,6,7,8 – don’t run from me cause this is fate.

It’s really easy to be a prude when you’re not attracted to him, isn’t it?

My mother got married in pants.
Too many locker room showers with the varsity team.
Um, all girl boarding school.

I’m stuck on “5, 6, 7, 8, God is good…”
“God is straight!”
Hey, that’s good.

2/10

Consent

Again, no more lifetime for you, missy.

2/10

G.B.F

Waited a year fot this misunderstanding

Oh, my God, he’s doing it. He’s going full-Lohan.

Mini Ellen, you can’t take your poor man’s Portia to this dance. Try the pro-sodomy prom.

Don’t think me presumptuous when I say “bottoms up.”
Ugh! This tastes like ass!
Mm-hm. Perfect for you.

1/10

Tarzan

Weak.

2/10

Staring in Suburbia

Not an accurate description of an eating disorder, but they got the pro-ana lifestyle right, plus the shocker at the end makes it worth watching after all.

4/10

Haunt

Loved the ending.

4/10

Blindness

A huge no. I just wish there was a film where Mark’s character wouldn’t annoy me. I hated his character even in You Can Count on me and here, his wife volunteers to go with him to the hospital, because she loves him, so to thank her, he fucks a prostitute in the hospital, then says, if his wife wants to go get gang raped then she should, as men have to eat. I have seen one too many films with rape or sexual assault or pedophilia and yet this one left the most sour taste. I am still very angry with this film as it downgrades women, erases feminism and shows that women have no saying when it comes to their fate and that men’s priority is to get laid, preferably without a woman’s consent. Why the heck do I own it on dvd?

2/10

Excision

It was three am and I was not thinking rationally when I turned it on.

0.5/10

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