Film Reviews: The Strangers 2: Prey at Night. Mom and Dad. Savannah Smiles. Ghoulies. The Trails of Cate McCall. The Night Before. My Girl. Father Figures. Aurora Teagarden Mysteries: Last Scene Alive. Fat Girl. Picnic at Hanging Rock. Sherlock Gnomes. Sisters. The Rachels. Breaking In

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The Strangers 2: Prey at Night

I’m really disappointed they didn’t use the ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’ song from the trailer, it really is perfect for this. The sequel was alright, but it wasn’t worth waiting 10 years for. Back in 2008 what hit me the most was the eeriness of the answer to the question: ‘Why are you doing this?’ ‘Because you were home’. The sequel did not have any moments like that nor did it know how to create tension. But if you’re into slashers, you’ll like it despite its flaws.

6.5/10

Mom and Dad

Refreshing! Modern horror needs more new ideas, as at this point it’s all heavily recycled. My local cinema showed the trailer for this for 2 months before every single film and then they chose not to show the film at all.

8/10

Savannah Smiles

It has the ‘Smokey and the Bandit’ vibe to it, so I’m all for it. This summer I’m planning to watch every Bridgette Andersen film I can find.

‘She fell out of the car.’
‘Should I call a doctor?’
‘No no no, she’s used to it.’

6/10

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Ghoulies

If you never really liked Gremlins, you will certainly not like this.

2.5/10

The Trails of Cate McCall

I love courtroom dramas, and this was surprisingly interesting!

7/10

The Night Before

I did laugh when the baby said ‘fuck you’, so I guess the film could have been worse.

4/10

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My Girl

They just don’t make family films like this anymore.

10/10

Father Figures

The only thing I actually enjoyed was one of the brothers’ obsession with SVU and Mariska Hargitay.

3/10

Aurora Teagarden Mysteries: Last Scene Alive

Bruce Dawson (John), one of the original members of the Real Murders Club is no longer doing these? Aurora Teagarden films suddenly got… dreadful.

1/10

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Fat Girl

I was warned about the ending… and yet I wasn’t ready.

9/10

Picnic at Hanging Rock

This miniseries is an intriguing interpretation that tries to explain what happened to the missing girls from the book/film by adding new storylines.

7.5/10

Sherlock Gnomes

Another example of where trailer is better than the film itself. They didn’t use the scene where Sherlock accidentaly breaks one of the gnomes while saying he’s there to protect them, and then Juliet says ‘Like the one you just broke’ and the broken gnome asks ‘Who’s broken?, checks his hat and says ‘Holy fertilizer’. There was this little four year old girl one row behind me who screamed ‘Oh no!’ twice and when one of the gnomes fell and we heard it break, she asked her mom what happened and the mother had to explain the concept of death to her. Eavesdropping on how she struggled not to hurt her feelings or scare her was more entertaining than the film. The only good thing is that animation got better than in the first one, face expressions were clearly more natural.

4/10

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Sisters

It wasn’t funny enough, but these two lines certainly were:

‘They can’t fucking roll in here like Jehovah’s Witesses!’

‘Take you dick out of the paint!’
‘Nooo, I’m gonna draw something!’

4/10

The Rachels

Lifetime keeps redoing the same story over and over and they will never make it right.

3/10

Breaking In

Panic Room wannabe.

6/10

 

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Film Reviews: A Quiet Place. The Burbs. There’s Something About Mary. Everybody’s Going to Die. The Longest Ride. When We First Met. Dark Places. Rampage. Sense and Sensibility. Jessabelle. Jane Got a Gun. Christine. Remember Me. Abducted. The Choice

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A Quiet Place

Don’t Breathe taken to a whole new level!

10/10

The Burbs

Rear Window, but funny.

7.5/10

There’s Something About Mary

My family still talks about the dog resuscitation scene!

7.5/10

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Everyone’s Going to Die

If you’re 25 or older and you still have no idea what you want to do with your life, while your family is constantly on you for not knowing it yet, this film is for you!

6.5/10

The Longest Ride

It took me three years and three tries to finish it, while my family enjoyed it very much.

6/10

When We First Met

How did I not know Redbull has a blueberry flavour now?! They’ve mentioned ‘A League of their Own’ numerous times in this film, which is why I enjoyed it more than I ever should. The main character went back to the photobooth more than 5 times, and you could feel even the writers were tired of starting it all over. I like romcoms that try to be ‘original’ and do exactly what this one did in the end.

6/10

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Dark Places

The timeline was off, the daughter was half the age she was supposed to be. I still want to read the book, as I liked this more than Gone Girl.

7/10

Rampage

Woah, it’s 2018, so one beast is no longer enough, huh? There is another The Rock film coming out later this summer called ‘Skyscraper’ and it looks exactly the same! My local cinema chain gave out these A4 posters of Rampage and The Rock isn’t even on it! I would prefer the one that’s on here, but thanks Odeon. Anyway, the ‘Big meets bigger’ phrase they’ve put on all their posters, really suits here.

5.5/10

Sense and Sensibility

Emma Thompson version minus the lovely hairstyles and you know, budget. The little sister was the best part of this adaptation.

5.5/10

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Jessabelle

Tried to watch it back in 2014, but did make it past the first 15 minutes. Then one friend of mine, who always asks me for horror recommendations, tried to convince me to give it another try. Three years have passed and turns out, the friend was right, sort of.

5/10

Christine

They sure wrecked this car.

4/10

Jane Got a Gun

The only interesting plot turned out not to be true in the end.

4/10

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Remember Me

The minute he passed floor 88, I knew. After all, there were only 3 buildings that tall back then. If not for the unexpected ending, the film would have been awful. It may still be, I cannot decide whether this ending was respectful or not.

4/10

Abducted

What is it with these naive teenagers who think some rando will make them famous. The father wasted the first night after the abduction on getting drunk and made a bunch of idiotic decisions along the way.

3.5/10

The Choice

The parents were sure happy to marry her off.

2/10

 

Film Reviews: Lady Bird. Blockers. Finding Your Feet. Suburbicon. Hello, My Name is Doris. Fences. Bridget Jones’s Baby. A Wrinkle in Time. Sin of Innocence. Stephen King’s IT. To The Bones. Gifted. Once Upon a Time in America. The Big Wedding. Red Sparrow. Kill For Me. I Feel Pretty. Girl Flu

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Lady Bird

Lady Bird is especially relatable for anyone who went away to uni, leaving their family and hometown behind. In the end, realizing that their town and how they were brought up was in fact, enough.

9/10

Blockers

Hilarious! Loved the friendship between the three parents!

7.5/10

Finding your feet

‘Where are you going?’
‘To see the world, it’s bigger than this.’

I hope Finding Your Feet gets an international cinema release, so you can all enjoy it as much as I did.

7/10

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Suburbicon

I have never fallen asleep at the movies…until today. Kept dozing off a few times, which just proves how boring Suburbicon is. Yes Julie Moore was great, and the little kid was alright too, but you should wait a year for it to air on HBO or be added on Netflix.

7/10

Hello, my name is Doris

Really into the Sally Field and Tyne Daly friendship. And the scene where Natasha Lyonne’s character talks about teenage selfharm. Sally Field’s performance, incredible as always.

8/10

Fences

This worked so much better as a play. They never even left the house! No one deserves to listen to Denzel Washington whine about same things over and over again. If you’ve seen ANY of Viola’s earlier performaces, you know what she can DO! She has an amazing acting range! I don’t know why everyone is so impressed with her in this, when she was equally good everywhere else. I didn’t think she showed anything else in Fences, it was her usual best.

7/10

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Bridget Jones’s Baby

Never explained why or when Bridget and Mark broke off their engagement.

7.5/10

A Wrinkle in Time

I do still occasionally enjoy new films for teens and children, but I am just too old for this one.

2.5/10

Sin of Innocence

Only took me an hour and a half to realize the girl is Anne from Green Gobles! The film was missing the incestious vibe you’d expect and Dermont’s random reactions got unrealistic and simply annoying as he wept cause his daddy wouldn’t let him shag his new sister.

4/10

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Stephen King’s IT

3 hours well spent. This was one of many horrors that formed me into a horror obsessed kid that I’ve always been. It may not be scary like Chucky was, unless you’re afraid of clowns, but it was creepy and weird and that’s what I’m into. I remember scaring the shit out of the headmistress at my High School, when I decided to submitt my painting of the Clown as one of my works when tranfering to Advanced Art in my first year. If you didn’t want to be a member of the lucky seven squad, you’re lying to yourself. I was the fat kid.

8/10

To The Bone

The only disturbing scene was the random baby bottle one. It makes a joke of eating disorders, how are you suppose to show this film to someone who is skeptical of eating disorders when they burst out loud laughing because of the bottle scene. The film is nowhere near as good as Sharing the Secret or When Friendship Kills, but I’m glad that every couple of years we get a new ED film. The fourteen and fifteen-year-old version of myself would be all over this one.

7/10

Gifted

Little Man Tate, but average.

4/10

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Once Upon a Time in America

The middle part of the film was completely flawed. The sweet and sour childhood flashbacks, the second assault and the third act were what held this film together.

6/10

The Big Wedding

I watched it at the cinema and the best part of the film was the Michael Buble song that played at the end.

4/10

Red Sparrow

Best part of the film was when a young couple one row before me, clearly on their first date, left the minute Jennifer got to the academy. Boy, it would have been extremely awkward for them if they stayed a minute longer. That’s the problem with this film, people see Jennifer partner up with her Hunger Games director and all the freshly turned 18 year olds blindly go to the cinema without even watching the trailer. Are they in for a shock. The cinema chain I watched this at gave out a free audiobook on audible worth 22.99 quid. Since I checked time on my phone three times while watching the film, there is no way I will be spending another minute with this story. No film this boring should ever last full 2 hours.

2/10

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Kill For Me

It’s hard to make it till the end, but there’s a surprise there waiting for you.

5/10

I Feel Pretty

I really believed the critics who said this was offensive to overweight people, and hesitated whether I should support this film and check it out, but it was alright. Also, how cute was Michelle Williams in this!

5.5/10

Girl Flu

I expected it to be better, but the mother annoyed me too much.

5/10

 

 

Film Reviews: Sing Street. Ghost Stories. Love, Simon. Tad the Lost Explorer. Tad the Lost Explorer and the Secret of King Midas. Zoe Gone. Winchester. Status Update. Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return.

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Sing Street

This was the sixth film I watched today, and the only decent at that. Glad to finish the day on a high note!

8/10

Ghost Stories

‘Fucking O2!’

It would have been perfect, if not for the last 2 minutes.

7.5/10

Love, Simon

Made me feel like a teenager again!

8/10

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Tad the Lost Explorer

It’s outrageous how tiny the clothes the redhead wears are, the film is for children, not adults with busty animated female character fetishes.

4/10

Tad the Lost Explorer and the Secret of King Midas

So much more fun than the first one! And guess what…the girl actually wore clothes!

6/10

Zoe Gone

That made no sense, first she called the child a bastard, then when the child gets kidnapped, she says she will never leave her, then she fights for her and finally chooses to let her go. My whole family was furious with this ending. The child wasn’t a tiny baby, the girl was 10 months old, the mother will wake up one day 5 or 10 years later when she has a good enough job and she will regret her decision.

4.5/10

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Winchester

Fell asleep at the cinema and woke up when the child was shooting at Helen Mirren. What did any of this have to do with Screen Australia and Screen Queensland? Apparently the film was shot at the real Winchester House in San Jose, California. Was it partially shot in Queensland? Extra half point for the creepy picture at the very end, which sadly was the only creepy thing about this horror.

3/10

Status Update

And how was this different from High School Musical?

3/10

Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return

This film did not look like it was made in the 90s.

3/10

 

 

Film Reviews: I, Tonya. Game Night. West Side Story. A Mother’s Rage. The Wool Cap. She’s Having a Baby. Everybody’s Fine. When Billie Beat Bobby. Kindergarten Cop. Elle. Who Killed JonBenet? Maze Runner: The Death Cure. Imaginary Heroes. Sharknado 4. Sharknado 5

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I, Tonya

This is mostly told from Tonya’s perspective and yet, those who haven’t read her autobiography, would never notice the one shocking detail that was omitted…Tonya’s gang rape.

8/10

Game Night

What a treat, epecially for fans of Friday Night Lights and Dexter, like myself! One of the scenes worth mentioning is the one where Jason Bateman’s character tells his Game Night friends that they need to try the cheese, allwhile Kyle Chandler’s character is being tied up. When they’re heading for the doors, Jason says ‘Drive safe’.

8/10

West Side Story

Sadly, it no longer leaves such a strong impression as it did decades ago. Does anyone remember these songs? Despite not standing the test of time, West Side Story is still a tragically beautiful musical.

8/10

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A Mother’s Rage

This is one of my favorite Lifetime films. Lori Loughlin, who hunts pervy guys here, is phenomenal!

9/10

The Wool Cap

I love that Frank Gallagher. I just don’t understand why the monkey had to die.

9/10

She’s Having a Baby

She’s Having a Baby is the most personal story for John Hughes. For some unknown reason, it’s highly underrated. I get that people go for his teen masterpieces and Home Alone and Uncle Buck and they don’t even bother to look twice at this one, but it truly is lovely. Kevin Bacon is sort of annoying at times, but the film as a whole is funny. Every time I watch an Elizabeth McGovern film, I think of the career she could have had if she never left the US, but on the other hand, Cora was my favorite Downton Abbey character and they could have cast someone who wouldn’t fit the role, so I guess it is what it is.

8/10

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Everybody’s Fine

Kept me extremely depressed, and left me that way. All those kids were ungrateful, and all four of them became artists? Four kids and none of them have regular jobs, and they are all artsy?

7/10

When Billie Beat Bobby

I liked how the film revolved around one match and not Billie’s personal life. I don’t understand why this was remade. Is anyone actually suggesting Emma Stone is a better actress than Holly Hunter, because I just laughed out loud.

6/10

Kindergarten Cop

I was the kid who always talked about death. And though I didn’t go as far as stealing other kids’ lunches, I sure liked food.

6/10

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Elle

You report the rape, not take a shower. Jesus. It’s not the rape that is disturbing here, it’s all the consensual sex…some of it with the rapist. The video game rape and the constantly horny lead character made me angry. I was surprised when it wasn’t one of the intern/employees who raped her.

5/10

Who Killed JonBenet?

The child actress’s narration was wonderful.

5/10

Maze Runner: The Death Cure

‘That’ original character dying made it all worth it. But Thomas’s blood is the cure? That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard.

5/10

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Imaginary Heroes

I blame myself and ‘Prayers for Bobby’ for assuming that Sigourney Weaver plus her film offspring’s suicide would make for a good film.

4/10

Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens

How many kids do they have?! Definitely the worst one of all. Even the 5th one was better.

1/10

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming

Oh no! The Queen is trapped, because the sharks are blocking all the entrances to Buckingham Palace! And Tara Reid can fly in this one? I used to get all excited for shark week and this series made me start hating it.

1.5/10

To see what other films I watched this year, please check out my letterboxd account https://letterboxd.com/joanneholly I’m planning on watching 500 films this year and I’m currently at 200.

Have a great day.

Greys 14.10. Greys 14.11. Greys 14.12. Greys 14.13. When Calls the Heart 5.01. When Calls the Heart 5.02. When Calls the Heart 5.03. The Middle 9.14. The Middle 9.15. 911 1.01. 911 1.02. 911 1.03. 911 1.04. 911 1.05. 911 1.06. 911 1.07. Scandal 7.10. Scandal 7.11. Modern Family 9.14. The Good Fight 2.01. The Simpsons 29.10. The Good Doctor 1.10. The Good Doctor 1.11. Absentia 1.08. Absentia 1.09. Absentia 1.10.

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I haven’t been reviewing and adding my notes on TV shows I watch, because I am disappointed with every single one of them. Yes, even Shameless, SVU and Greys. The three shows still on air I swear by. Absolutely nothing is going on an it upsets me and makes it pointless for me to rate the show and give each episode a lousy 2/10. The show I am most disappointed with this season is Modern Family. There was one good episode, but for the love of God, the other 10 were disastrous. I am no longer interested in what any of these characters are doing. The Middle is in its final season and instead of going out with a bang, it’s going out with a… yawn. Shameless, so Ian is the gay Jesus now, and Debby lost 3 toes. That is it. Even Frank did not do anything interesting. Carl has a wife now and he’s been goody-goody all season. Grey’s, sweet old Grey’s. I am happy that Meredith got the Harper Avery award, but nothing else happened all half season. SVU, they cast Brooke Shields and instead of keeping her as Olivia’s friend, they have her kidnap Noah.

Greys 14.10

After four of her patients die, April loses her faith in God. She also runs into her ‘one that got away’, the paramedic she left at the altar back in season 9.

2/10

Greys 14.11

Bailey has a heart attack and fights for herself.

4/10

Greys 14.12

The big competition is here and the entire episode is a snoozeville.

2/10

Greys 4.13

A-freaking-mazing! They introduced the lead from the new Shondaland show Station 19 and I like her already! Ben was written off Greys and we saw him driving off in an ambulance. Ellen looked liked her season 2 baby self with that pink lipstick in the ambulance scene! The Asian intern took her hijab off to stop the kid’s leg from bleeding!

You look twelve. Can you find a grown up to tell her that.
Do not move your hand!
See, grown ups!
Can’t believe this project has not been founded!

9/10

When Calls the Heart 5.01

Some crook seller tried to kill little Opal with arsenic! Can we stop pretending that Abigail and Henry are not meant for each other? Are they actually trying to write our favorite villain off? I say this every episode, but Rosemary is just an extraordinary character. I usually cannot stand happy characters, but watching any scenes with her affects my mood. Elizabeth’s perky sister is back and she wants to be Elizabeth’s apprentice. Lee is left in charge of the town. There is something clearly wrong with Elizabeth’s wig and it’s almost as annoying. I still don’t trust or like Jesse. He’s a tool and Clara better leave him for good. There’s also a virus spreading, it all turns out to be the fault of some magical tonic, that even clears acne. Lori Loughlin runs into another Garage Sale Mystery co-star, who plays Henry Gowen’s defence attorney.

I need to leave someone in charge as acting sheriff.
So you’re testifying for the defence and you’re testifying for
prosecution.
Rosemary did chilli last week, and I was sick for four days.
Where is your badge?
For all the bad things that I’ve done, I must have done something right.
Why is that?
Because for some odd reason that I don’t understand, you still seem to believe in me.
Someone stole my wagon.
Lee! Go!
I don’t want you chasing horse thieves all through the night.
I took his wagon and I hid it in the woods.
Julie is trying to steal Jesse away from Clara.
And I don’t gossip, cause I don’t gossip.
Besides I heard that Clara and Jesse broke up.
Well, who’s gossiping now.
Elizabeth, telegram for you.
Lee, what’s going on.
I had to arrest him.
Michael, I need you too.
No, same cell.
You are now deputized.
Am I really a deputy.
As much as I’m a sheriff.

10/10

When Calls the Heart 5.02

Turns out railroad will not happen and everyone loses faith in Abigail’s abilities. Julie, Elizabeth’s artsy sister does not punish Robert for ripping Anna’s drawing. Rosemary is happy as her clothes sell well in the big city. Rosemary pushes one of the local girls to buy a dress she cannot afford and she comes back with her husband the next day to return it. Lee tried to save the town by blackmail. Cody saves the day by randomly telling everyone his life story.

Men aren’t emotionally sophisticated creatures.
You’re the best mayor this town has ever had.
You changed your mind.
Actually your whole town changed it for me.
Our childhood never leaves us.
You’re a great major, Mrs Stanton.

5/10

When Calls a Heart 5.03

Some random architect friend of Rosemary shows up in town and it looks like she’s staying. I thought the doctor was supposed to end up with the nurse, so why are they adding a love interest for him? Jack is back and after spending a couple of months apart, he is eager to marry Elizabeth, you know why. Why does the young journalist’s hair look dyed, isn’t she 12? The show gets very average when Jack is around.

3/10

The Middle 9.14

4/10

The Middle 9.15

Sue turns 21.

4/10

911 1.01

There is no way a baby would fit in that pipe, but I still loved every minute of the episode. The youngest of Lind sisters plays a little girl home alone and I really enjoyed when the young firefighter used the fire extinguisher to throw the bulglar off the motorbike.

10/10

911 1.02

Unrealistic with the firefighter remaining conscious through the whole thing, but I loved the rollercoaster incident.

8/10

911 1.03

The cop’s daughter tries to kill herself, because of some girl at school bullying her.

8/10

911 1.04

The plane crash episode was everything.

10/10

911 1.05

I am really into the age gap between Abby and the firefighter.

I am so much better when it’s somebody else’s emergency.
That I murdered my own family.

6/10

911 1.06

I see it now, Ryan and Brad are big fans of Parenthood and Friday Night Lights and Coach Taylor’s wife is supposed to end up with Adam Braverman.

6/10

911 1.07

Another Parenthood alum, Drew’s girlfriend did a guest spot in this episode. I don’t see why they changed her age to 32 when Lyndon Smith is 28, but that’s the only thing that bothered me. I absolutely loved the moment where we find out the intruder was in fact inside the house, standing right behind the woman, and it was his refection that she saw.

8/10

How to Get Away with Murder 5.12

How to survive a scandal.

5/10

How to Get Away with Murder 5.13

At least Connor is going back to uni.

5/10

Scandal 7.10

Quinn and Olivia’s father randomly starting to sing Britney Spears while Charlie looks confused. I just really cannot stand Olivia at this point, she became such a shitty character, but I’ve always loved most of the characters here except for Olivia.

That man spilled his DNA all over this White House.

3/10

Scandal 7.11

Quinn is back and Mellie talking about her mammogram was one of the two good scenes.

Shut up, eat your melon.

4/10

Scandal 7.12

Shut up Olivia, I love Megabus, it’s cheap and takes me to London without paying the city centre entry fee every time I need to buy somthing nice for myself and look at pretty architecture.

You had to haul your broke ass on the megabus to beg for my help.

5/10

Modern Family 9.14

It was good enough, especially Joe being in love with Claire. When did Mitch and Cam get boring?

5/10

The Good Fight 2.01

How did I not know Audra McDonald joined the cast! And how did Howard become a judge! He does not like wearing his trousers and forgets things.

I just have a few questions.
Oh dear God.
So, let’s talk about your job, miss.
He thought we were getting too close.
You said you worked at an amusement park?
And Alicia Florrick. I went to school with her.

4/10

The Simpsons 29.10

I’m just intellectually drunk.
Hey kid, I want to show you something.
Are you a pervert?
A beautiful hotel bar, just like in The Shining.

4/10

The Good Doctor 1.10

Oh, look it’s the Grey’s Anatomy wanna be.

1/10

The Good Doctor 1.11

3/10

Absentia 1.08

Emily’s son and his new mom are kidnapped and at first we assume it was most likely done by Charles, Emily’s friend/nemesis from the children’s home she grew up in. Emily poses as a patient at the mental institution Charles lives in and we learn that all the children hated her for something. Charles does not reveal who Patient B is, but we he is in fact Patient A. I really thought he would say she is patient B, but he didn’t which does not exclude her.

You want me to hurt you or her?
Hurt me.

8/10

Absentia 1.09

6/10

Absentia 1.10

This show finally got good enough seconds before it wrapped.

8/10

Film Reviews: Molly’s Game. Wonder. Paddington 2. Elizabeth Smart: Autobiography. A Bad Moms Christmas. Murder on the Orient Express. All the Money in the World. Kappen! Paulina. Sister Cities. Switched for Christmas. Finding Santa. When Calls the Heart: The Christmas Wishing Tree. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Tin Toy. The Blue Umbrella. Keeper. Cinderella

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MV5BNTkzMzRlYjEtMTQ5Yi00OWY3LWI0NzYtNGQ4ZDkzZTU0M2IwXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMTMxODk2OTU@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,674,1000_AL_ MV5BYjFhOWY0OTgtNDkzMC00YWJkLTk1NGEtYWUxNjhmMmQ5ZjYyXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMjMxOTE0ODA@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,648,1000_AL_ MV5BMmYwNWZlNzEtNjE4Zi00NzQ4LWI2YmUtOWZhNzZhZDYyNmVmXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNzYzODM3Mzg@._V1_

Molly’s Game

I really enjoyed Jessica’s narration. Everything else worked fine as well.

9/10

Wonder

The mother-husband, father-son and mother-son relationships worked really well here. The only flaw was how unrealistic it got after everyone suddenly accepted the kid and then he won an award for it. It’s been a while since I genuinely liked Julia Roberts’s character and she was very likeable in this. I should also add that I cried through most of the film.

8/10

Paddington 2

Absolutely wonderful! Paddington truly is one of England’s treasures. The sequel fixed the first one’s shortcomings, and every scene was just perfect. I certainly appreciated the Browns coming back to the Paddington Station for a short scene! This is where I lost it and cried at the cinema.

10/10

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Elizabeth Smart: Autobiography

This was the best film I’ve seen this year, and not because I’ve been following this tragic story since 2002. Because of it though, I cried every time they showed Elizabeth’s father, as I remember all of his press conferences and TV appearances. The overwhelming and triggering part of this documentary was when Elizabeth recalled what she believed to be the definition of intercourse, seconds before the first rape. She believed intercourse can only happen if two people are facing each other. It was a really good documentary, an honest and heartbreaking adaptation of Elizabeth Smart’s first book.

10/10

A Bad Moms Christmas

Where do I sign the petition for the Bad Moms spin off with Christine Baranski, Cheryl Hines and Susan Sarandon?

I haven’t seen the first part, but I was nicely surprised by this one. The audience was full of 20-something girls screaming and laughing every 3 minutes and this was one of the most fun cinema experiences I’ve had in years.

7/10

Murder on the Orient Express

I can’t decide whether it’s this adaptation that I didn’t like or the book itself.

6/10

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All the Money in the World

I couldn’t care either way and the ear scene was too much even for a horror maniac like me.

5/10

Kappen!

Nicely surprised!

8/10

Paulina

What is wrong with this girl? They raped you, blame them! Be angry with them! How can you be this forgiving? The minute I found this film on TV, I thought I would love it, but the survivor’s behavior was just appalling. The father’s reaction throughout the entire film was amazing though. I would recommend the film just to see what emotional and phisical hell he’s going through after his daughter’s rape.

7/10

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Sister Cities

My dad enjoyed it more than I did, and I’m the one who’s been following Stana and Michelle’s careers since day 1.

6/10

Switched for Christmas

I enjoyed this one much more than Candace’s last year’s Christmas film. I agree they should have made the difference between the two Candaces clearer. The film had too many characters and the pace was too fast. By the end even I couldn’t tell which Candace is which guy talking to, as the lads looked just as alike as the two Candaces.

5/10

Finding Santa

I love Jodie, I loved her growing up, I loved the painfully honest book she wrote about her addiction and I love Full House. But I have yet to find a Jodie Sweetin film I actually like.

3/10

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When Calls the Heart: The Christmas Wishing Tree

Rosemary is still my favorite. Since the pastor did not even bother to show up for Christmas, is it finally acceptable to ship Abigail with Henry? He may be the villain, but he’s been obsessed with her since day one and the chemistry between them is off the charts. Erin’s awful wig will annoy me all season, I can already feel it. I cringed at all Elizabeth/Jack scenes, what happened to them? This just felt awkward and uncomfortable all episode long. Was that The Greatest Showman reference intentional? Oh yeah and did I mention that shitty wig that only distracted me about 40 times? I will rewatch it on Saturday with my family and I honestly cannot wait.

8/10

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

So many hilarious scenes to choose from. Plus, Michael Caine did an Aussie accent for 30 seconds and that was my favorite part. I’ve never noticed how charming Glynn Headly’s voice was. It’s sad Steve Martin hasn’t done anything remotely interesting since the Pink Panters and the Cheaper by the Dozens.

7/10

Tin Toy

That was a true horror and it bothers me that I can’t make out when and where I’ve seen this short before.

6/10

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The Blue Umbrella

I can’t put my mind around where I’ve seen this before. They must have showed it along with film trailers at my local cinema. I thought it was at one of these marathons I used to go to, but that was back in 2011 – 2012, so that can’t be it. This is gonna bother me all day. Oh well, this is a good short.

6/10

Keeper

So simple and we’ve seen this story many times, yet so good.

7/10

Cinderella

The glass shoes were nice though.

6/10

 

Film Reviews: The Tree of Life. Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri. A Most Violent Year. First They Killed My Father. The Florida Project. The Greatest Showman. Darkest Hour. Prom Night. Coco. Insidious 4: The Last Key. The Commuter

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The Tree of Life

Beautiful study of life, God and existence. The film has such a slow pace and magic to it, that it almost does not feel real. It could use a little less nature pictures. In the first thirty minutes it feels like Terrance is trying to fill in the gaps to prolong screen time. He should have allocated that time to focus on Jessica Chastain, the real treasure of this film. If I ever show this movie to my family and friends, I will fast forward the long period of water, nature and dinosaurs, as it truly is not for anyone who is not artsy. I wonder what the audition for any of these characters looked like since they barely say anything. Brad Pitt’s character turns out to be a bit abusive, teaching his three sons to fight and punishing them for every small thing like laughing at the dinner table, and waking him up by closing the doors loudly. I especially liked the ‘You will stand there and close this door quietly fifty times’ punishment. Needless to say, the boys are happy when the father is away. Along the way, their school friend drowns, and Jack, the oldest son, asks God, how could he let a little boy die. We also learn the oldest boy is angry and likes to torture animals. There’s also an awkward scene where Jack takes his neighbor’s nightgown and ashamed of his first sexual desires, sends it with the river’s current. This scene could only be better, if the nightgown belonged to his mother. The film ends with Jack reconciling with his family in heaven. It’s not clear why or if Jack dies at the age of 40 something, and why his second brother, also in his 40s is in heaven too. The Tree of Life, although beautiful, is not a title you will watch more than once, because of how utterly depressed it leaves you.

8.5/10

Three Billboards Outside of Ebbing, Missouri

The only way this could be even better is if we actually learned who raped and killed the daughter.

8/10

A Most Violent Year

Knowing of Jessica’s personal tragedy, I have no idea how she found the strength to film the two devastating scenes when two characters, one accidentally, point a gun at themselves. I am in awe and shock. The film itself was far more interesting than I expected it to be.

7/10

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First They Killed My Father

Another masterpiece from Angelina Jolie.

9.5/10

The Florida Project

Those kids sure were annoying and so was the mother. That did not stop this ‘project’ from turning out to be one of this year’s most impressive.

Also, get a fucking job. You have a kid and you’re selling perfumes out of a shopping bag. You could easily get a temporary job packing some products at a local warehouse, but sure be a bum.

6.5/10

The Greatest Showman

One of the best cinema experiences I’ve had.

8/10

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Darkest Hour

Dozed off about 10 times at the cinema. Churchill kept saying the same thing over and over for two hours and there was no action whatsoever.

4/10

Prom Night

I’ve had that opening scene stuck in my head for 20 years. Good to put a name to a memory. I watched the remake on the same day, and it was only half this good.

7/10

Coco

Beautiful take on Mexico’s most intriguing tradition.

8/10

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Insidious 4: The Last Key

I love the Insidious series, when I heard Spencer Locke joined the cast I was over the moon. Needless to say, I was disappointed. Sure, it was better than the third one and I cried every time Elise ran into her brother, but It lacked so much.

6/10

The Commuter

This was exciting, but all Liam Neeson centred thrillers/action films are. I am happy I went to see it at the cinema, especially because of the impressive scene where the train finally derails. If only Vera Farmiga was in more than two scenes.

7/10